Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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