If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
