Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize
