is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
