Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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