Just cropdusted the office
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
where are my eyebrows?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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