it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
