What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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