with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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