PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
