Don't you send me to vm
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
