I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
