Im at strip club and am horny
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
