covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
