Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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