you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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