My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
