Kiss
Puke
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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