She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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