TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
