Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
