Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
