Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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