I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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