So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
