I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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