you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Someone signed my nipple.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
