I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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