'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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