Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize