I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
