as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
