I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
