You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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