White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
