you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
