I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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