Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
