Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
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he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
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Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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