I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
