I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
