come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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