I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
