I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
