Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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