Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
