we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
