Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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