yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
