Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
