pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
