Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
