Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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