My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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