so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
