Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
