I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
