Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
