Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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