I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.