she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened