Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
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He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
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Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.