I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
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It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
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You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING