tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.