Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
