Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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