I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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