Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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