dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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