recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
