I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
